Happy Valentine's Day to me. I love me. Thanks me, I'm truly touched. :-)
I feel giddy. The party was really fun, and I did in fact do some flirting and also some networking...social and professional. I feel so young and new, still, when I am inhabiting my femininity, I tend to forget that I'm a smart competent grownup with a lot of good life experience, and that people will respect that. I have little sense of my own worth, I think...a "what, little 'ol me?" kind of thing. Which is stupid. Why should I not be accepted and liked and respected by people? I'm an interesting person, to say the least.
Fun crowd...a mix of academics, neighbors, and parenting-friends. Not quite the high-powered literary gathering I was expecting, but that's probably just as well. Nobody batted an eye at me, even though my shapewear and dress pushed me well past "normal woman" into tranny-caricature. I was by far the most voluptuous individual there... :-) It was valuable to be able to look at other women playing dress-up and to see how close I actually already am without enhancements of any kind, just in my own skin, to being shaped like a woman.
The poem-reading didn't end up happening...I gather our hosts thought it would interrupt the energy of the party, which seemed right. We all just taped our poems up on a door. Mine was a little damp...I had been carrying it, folded up, in my decolletage... ;>
Early in the evening I danced a little in a loose group of dancers, enjoying feeling slinky and sexy, but still really dancing alone. Then, later, I really felt like I wanted to dance with someone, a man, and a self-confident handsome middle-aged gent with whom I had had a short conversation earlier in the evening was standing there, so without thinking about it I stepped up to him and said "Are you secure enough in your masculinity to dance with me?" "It would be my pleasure," he said, and we danced. Not touching...the kind of face-each-other-and-wiggle I remember from college. He made small talk.
A little later, in the standing around saying goodbye but actually having more conversations phase, I do believe he chatted me up. He was solicitous, bordering on gallant...he told me if I ever needed an ally, to call on him...and he said he wanted to give me a hug, so we hugged. And I liked it. Oh, I did. This was a social interaction I grasped intuitively (or at least so it felt): the beginning of a negotiation. And behold, I become aroused as I type. I really really might be a heterosexual woman. I want to flirt with men, excite men's interest, toy and play with and tease men, and in the end succumb to their strength...oh, my, it's getting warm in here...
I did some emerging from the cocoon last night, is what I did. Not all the way. Big parts poking out now, though...legs and feelers... hints of wings. I pause now and respirate, extremities trembling a bit...soon I will be all the way out, drying my wings in the sun...then that first tentative spread and flex, and a launch into whimsical serendipitous flight... :-)
I feel giddy. The party was really fun, and I did in fact do some flirting and also some networking...social and professional. I feel so young and new, still, when I am inhabiting my femininity, I tend to forget that I'm a smart competent grownup with a lot of good life experience, and that people will respect that. I have little sense of my own worth, I think...a "what, little 'ol me?" kind of thing. Which is stupid. Why should I not be accepted and liked and respected by people? I'm an interesting person, to say the least.
Fun crowd...a mix of academics, neighbors, and parenting-friends. Not quite the high-powered literary gathering I was expecting, but that's probably just as well. Nobody batted an eye at me, even though my shapewear and dress pushed me well past "normal woman" into tranny-caricature. I was by far the most voluptuous individual there... :-) It was valuable to be able to look at other women playing dress-up and to see how close I actually already am without enhancements of any kind, just in my own skin, to being shaped like a woman.
The poem-reading didn't end up happening...I gather our hosts thought it would interrupt the energy of the party, which seemed right. We all just taped our poems up on a door. Mine was a little damp...I had been carrying it, folded up, in my decolletage... ;>
Early in the evening I danced a little in a loose group of dancers, enjoying feeling slinky and sexy, but still really dancing alone. Then, later, I really felt like I wanted to dance with someone, a man, and a self-confident handsome middle-aged gent with whom I had had a short conversation earlier in the evening was standing there, so without thinking about it I stepped up to him and said "Are you secure enough in your masculinity to dance with me?" "It would be my pleasure," he said, and we danced. Not touching...the kind of face-each-other-and-wiggle I remember from college. He made small talk.
A little later, in the standing around saying goodbye but actually having more conversations phase, I do believe he chatted me up. He was solicitous, bordering on gallant...he told me if I ever needed an ally, to call on him...and he said he wanted to give me a hug, so we hugged. And I liked it. Oh, I did. This was a social interaction I grasped intuitively (or at least so it felt): the beginning of a negotiation. And behold, I become aroused as I type. I really really might be a heterosexual woman. I want to flirt with men, excite men's interest, toy and play with and tease men, and in the end succumb to their strength...oh, my, it's getting warm in here...
I did some emerging from the cocoon last night, is what I did. Not all the way. Big parts poking out now, though...legs and feelers... hints of wings. I pause now and respirate, extremities trembling a bit...soon I will be all the way out, drying my wings in the sun...then that first tentative spread and flex, and a launch into whimsical serendipitous flight... :-)
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