The setup was, I proposed to change into full femme mode in the bathroom at my work in order to be on a panel at a trans conference taking place across campus, then walk back and change again after. I did it, and it went all right. I got one scoff-and-eyeroll, but also some smiles and, my favorite, a truly blasé response from the work study students. There really does seem to be a generational difference: people my age and older often seem uncomfortable with my gender non-conformity; people under 30 tend to just roll with it.
The panel was interesting because our audience was mostly health professionals - nurses and counselors and such - and it was clear from the questions that most of them had very little understanding of what it means to be trans. I'm finishing a query letter and book proposal which I will soon be sending out, trying to get an agent for a memoir, and I find myself feeling newly motivated by the sense I brought out of that session of just how much basic education remains to be done.
While she was here my sister took some pictures of my face for me...front, three quarters, and profile, hair pulled back, no makeup, muscles carefully unsmiling...so I can send them to a woman in the UK who specializes in photoshopping what you could look like after facial feminization surgery. When I have my before and afters, I will post them here.
My most recent development: I suddenly found myself today coming out to Amy Goodman, the host of Democracy Now! I had called her to record a pitch for our fundraiser, and she remembered me from previous similar conversations and asked about the name change, and there I was stammering my explanation. She offered congratulations and best wishes, which was very kind of her. Who knows what might come of that someday? In any case, yet another proof is one was needed (it wasn't) of my newfound lack of shyness.
One more thing I've been wanting to record here...a couple of weeks ago now my daughter decided after some trepidation to tell her friends at school about my trans identity. She was a little surprised, I think, at how well it went. As I understand it one of them laughed, one just nodded, and the third asked a bunch of questions. Then they gave me a wonderful gift: another new name to add to my growing collection. She texted me: "They've decided to call you Madame Deeve." With their permission I have changed the spelling, and whatever other name(s) I also end up using, I will proudly answer from now on to Madame D'Yves. Isn't that elegant? I love it! :-) Thank you Sarah and Cheyenne and Sam!
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