I have an aunt - one of my father's sisters - who could be seen (if we have one at all) as the matriarch of the Bunker clan. She's in her 70's and lives alone, though close to, and involved in, the families of various children and grandchildren. I've always admired her for her marvellous mix of strength, independence, and eccentricity, and she can always be counted on for pointed insights pithily expressed. I love her dearly. :-)
We haven't been in touch much in recent years, but we've been corresponding recently, after I sent her my coming-out note. One of her latest letters struck me as particularly rich in insight, so I wrote back asking permission to quote her here, and she has written back to say "yes", on two conditions: that I not use her name, and that I quote her exactly, word for word. My pleasure, on both counts.
So, without further ado, excerpts from my aunt's letter of Nov. 18th, 2010 (note that Don and Sue are my parents, both deceased):
You wonder what reaction all your progenitors would have had to your sex-change. Don and Sue, I know, would have wanted to be sure you were aware of all the difficulties you would incur but would have wanted only your well-being and happiness. Besides, if they disapproved, they would have had to forfeit their liberal credentials.
You're right about Grandpa Jack. He would have just viewed it as one more of the foibles of human nature, perhaps one that could supply an amusing and edifying anecdote about the world.
Grandma, on the other hand, due to her German or perhaps Victorian outlook would think that happiness was not a goal of life. A person should just play the hand they were dealt. She saw life and suffering as a duty to be borne.
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You've set me pondering about lady/woman/girl for myself. Once when pumping your own gas first became an option I got out to fill up my tank. An old guy wouldn't let me so I went to wash my windshield instead. He grabbed the squeegie out of my hand and told me, 'Get back in the car and act like a lady!' So I guess I don't qualify there. I don't care enough about my looks or clothes, housekeeping or social activities. In other words, I'm not feminine enough for Lady although I don't cuss, spit or scratch while watching football.
I still see 'girly-girls' here at the Senior Park. They are eighty years old and batting their eyelashes and fawning over the few men we have here. I guess it's in the genes.
When I think Woman, I think of strident unattractive women with causes. I don't align myself with any of that although I have had jobs where men were the boss but women actually did all their work. My doctor, dentist, insurance person, financial advisor, and lawyer are all women but not on purpose.
I think of myself as a Person and treat everyone else that way. I don't align myself with any particular group expect the Good People of the world. I feel sorry for Blacks and other ethnicities who society forces to shoulder responsibility for all of 'their people.' so let's call me a Female Person.
That last insight seems particularly useful to me. When I rehearse in my head what to say to an inquisitive child who asks me if I'm a man or a woman, I can't quite get my mouth around "I'm a woman." It's more complicated than that. But "I'm a Female Person" works fine.
Thanks, Aunt ________! :-)