Adventures in cyberdateland

I’ve been on match.com for a well over a week, and have had several interesting and instructive encounters. Not in person...I’m being too cautious for that. E-mail exchanges.

Case #1: Creepy guy
Him: So you’re trans, cool, and you look fantastic!
Me: Thanks! Gonna post a pic? Tell me more about you...and hey, it’s cool you’re so cool about trans.
Him: No pic - I don’t want backlash at work. Not much to tell about me. I had someone in my family go through transition, so I know what it’s like. You should know for me this is a straight heterosexual relationship. You look amazing!
Me: (thinking: “relationship”?) Uh...thanks! Tell me more about your trans relative...I’d like to hear the story.
Him: Not much to tell; it just helps me understand who you are. You should know, at the age we are I expect to get sexual early in a relationship.
Me: Bye.
Him: Don’t deny your sexuality!
Me: (no answer)
(True confession time: while I would never hook up with such a person, his aggressiveness was good for a tickle of titillation. Such forthright single-minded desire, for me! My, my. *fans self*)

Case #2: Self-effacing guy
Him: So you’re trans...wow, you’re so brave.
Me: Thanks! Tell me more about you.
Him: Oh, I’m just an ordinary guy. I'm boring, really - not like you. Nothing much to tell...I live with five cats and my former girlfriend.
Me: Good luck, bye.

Case #3: Courteous guy
Me: Hi, I like your profile. If mine doesn’t freak you out, maybe we could chat.
Him: I just found someone, but best of luck in your search.
Him: So sorry, Madamoiselle, I didn’t put your name in my first e-mail.
Me: No worries. Thanks for the reply.
(This conversation was conducted in French.)

Case #4: Religious guy
Me: Hi, I like your profile. If mine doesn’t freak you out, maybe we could chat.
Him: Thanks, I just found someone, but there’s this book you really should read...it changed my life...(4 long paragraphs I didn’t read).

Cases #5 - 8 or so: Polite rejections
Me: Hi, I like your profile. If mine doesn’t freak you out, maybe we could chat.
Him: (polite discouraging reply, good luck)
Me: (polite thanks, good luck)

Cases #9 - 25 or so: Impolite rejections
Me: Hi, I like your profile. If mine doesn’t freak you out, maybe we could chat.
Him: (no answer)

And, finally, Case #26: Tingle tingle
Him: Your profile is unusual. I’m intrigued. Wanna get coffee or a glass of wine sometime?
Me: Thanks! I like your profile too - it’s quirky and funny. And thanks for the invitation...I’d like to, but this is new for me, so I’m feeling cautious. Could we exchange a few more e-mails first? And, please tell me more about you...
Him: No problem...we’ll go at your pace. About me: (some interesting deep stuff about life as a journey, overcoming struggles, attitude about the remaining years...)
Me: I think we have some things in common...thanks for sharing so freely! And here’s some lighter stuff about me: (description of my day, mentioning work, parenting...trying to convey an idea of my life)
Him: (no answer for two days)
Me: (checking e-mail frequently, wondering if I somehow scared him off, wondering if I should e-mail him again, aware that I will feel disappointed if I don’t hear back or get the brush-off now)

I wonder, how different would this experience be if I was cisgendered? Hmm...maybe not much. And, hey, #26, if you ever read this, as of this writing you've already touched me, and whatever happens, I will remember you fondly as the first man to express honest-seeming gentlemanly interest in me as a woman on line. That's actually pretty big...so, thanks. :-)

Comments

[~jw]

Dear Self-effacing guy:

1. We have a firm rule that the cats should never outnumber the humans.
2. Speaking of which, it sounds like there are more humans in your household than there should be.

Love,
Crazy Cat Lady