I’m gonna be in a show! I’m so excited! :-D
Here’s how it happened: I went to this show last year, the Femme Show, touring up from Boston, and really enjoyed it. It’s a variety show - theater, readings, dance, etc. - looking at the femme identity in queer culture from various angles. I was nodding and laughing and learning stuff, but I also thought, hm, no trans women up there, and also, hm, I’ve got a bunch of funny things to say about femininity; and I felt this intense impulse to perform. So I wrote some e-mails, and on the strength of the writing here at Genderbendy I got in. Just for the Portland show tomorrow night, not the whole tour, but still...a chance to try strutting my stuff! Glee!
I’ve been feeling the impluse to perform all my life, actually...watching people on stages and thinking resentfully, *I* could do that. But whenever I thought of actually doing something, I was immediately paralyzed by extreme self-consciousness and dread. Hardly surprising, given that at the time I was 100 percent committed to clamped-down hyper-controlled male mode.
No longer! The deeper cool thing about being in this show is that I am hardly nervous at all. I’m feeling confident and joyful. All eyes will be on me; all minds engaged with my words...amazing. And I look forward to trying to find that sweet natural rhythm of give and take I know can exist between performer and audience, riding the wave of their response. No doubt at show-time my heart will be beating in my throat, but hey, bring it. The adrenaline, the flash of the lights when I go out on stage, launching into my first line and off we go...sounds like a total rush. I hope so. I’ll report after.
Oh, and, what am I doing? All I can say is that it involves three or four layers of crossdressing, breast-form gags, and the elusive golden secret of femininity...and if you want to know more, you’re just going to have to see for yourself tomorrow night, darling! Wish me luck! :-)