I haven't posted for a while because I've been busy falling in love. My
new sweetie loves me too and sees me, admires me, and desires me as a
woman. I am someone's girlfriend! :-) It's a fucking miracle.
I find it difficult to put into words how much this new love means to me...but then my darling enjoys rendering me speechless, so that hasn't been a problem... :-)
(If I put in as many smiley-faces as I really wanted here, it would gack even me out...I'll try to restrain myself...)
I thought of being coy again, as in a post a month ago, about my sweetie's identity, but on the other hand her name is Deb Gallagher and she's a lovely sly wise poetic great-hearted Dyke. She self-identifies as existing between the genders, has many deliciously butch facets, and deeply digs me femme, the femmer the better. She just absolutely blows me away.
Deb's taking up with me has raised many eyebrows among her friends, Lesbian and otherwise, and she has had some difficult conversations, with more, no doubt, to come. It takes guts to openly love me. It's an act of social and political provocation. Add "courageous" to that list of adjectives in the last paragraph...
There is so much to write about, and I will in future posts. For now, one other observation seems pressing: finding romance has changed, but not blunted, my transition-ache. Until it happened I couldn't imagine that anyone could love me before I was where I wanted to be, and that made me want to hurry...but now that someone does already love me, mid-metamorphosis, as a woman, it feels more natural than ever just to go on peeling away, gracefully but deliberately, the lingering shards of that old man-shell and simply be, be in the world, be in love, be myself.
"Honor the process" has been, and continues to be, one of my main mantras. Well, I have to say...that has just gotten *way* more fun... :-D <3<3<3
I find it difficult to put into words how much this new love means to me...but then my darling enjoys rendering me speechless, so that hasn't been a problem... :-)
(If I put in as many smiley-faces as I really wanted here, it would gack even me out...I'll try to restrain myself...)
I thought of being coy again, as in a post a month ago, about my sweetie's identity, but on the other hand her name is Deb Gallagher and she's a lovely sly wise poetic great-hearted Dyke. She self-identifies as existing between the genders, has many deliciously butch facets, and deeply digs me femme, the femmer the better. She just absolutely blows me away.
Deb's taking up with me has raised many eyebrows among her friends, Lesbian and otherwise, and she has had some difficult conversations, with more, no doubt, to come. It takes guts to openly love me. It's an act of social and political provocation. Add "courageous" to that list of adjectives in the last paragraph...
There is so much to write about, and I will in future posts. For now, one other observation seems pressing: finding romance has changed, but not blunted, my transition-ache. Until it happened I couldn't imagine that anyone could love me before I was where I wanted to be, and that made me want to hurry...but now that someone does already love me, mid-metamorphosis, as a woman, it feels more natural than ever just to go on peeling away, gracefully but deliberately, the lingering shards of that old man-shell and simply be, be in the world, be in love, be myself.
"Honor the process" has been, and continues to be, one of my main mantras. Well, I have to say...that has just gotten *way* more fun... :-D <3<3<3
Congrats to you both!
Love really is what it's all about in the end, isn't it?
Posted by: ~jw | 05/25/2010 at 06:55 AM