So I dressed and did my makeup and headed south, in a tizzy again. I may have been working hard on this for a year, but I'm still a noob. I forgot my lunch and my planner book, but decided not to go back for them. Trans conference here I come.
I wore my red skirt with the spangles and the new embroidered white top which my sister gave my daughter for Christmas, and which she didn't like...quelle domage! :-). Plus, low heels, makeup including this new outrageous purple-with-sparkles eyeshadow I picked up on a whim the other day, and jewelry including my favorite cheapo but elegant-looking dangly earrings. And I had blowdried my hair with the curling brush the way Sue at Clip and Snip showed me...I'm getting the hang of that.
Today for sure I'll ask someone to take my picture and post it. I was feeling too diffident yesterday. [note added 15 hours later...new profile pic at right taken today :-)]
I spent a lot of time in sessions which were essentially pitches by plastic surgeons, complete with before-and-after slides of genital and facial surgeries. Yes, I am comparison shopping. There is some amazing work being done. There was one guy who was really aggressive and loud, and I thought, I like his work, but he would intimidate me in consults...I couldn't work with him. Being bold about being shy...
There were a couple of other transitioned women there who really had the voice thing down...I want to seek them out again today and ask them about their voice work.
Some encounters...I had a nice conversation with effervescent 70-something Billie Bliss and her new girlfriend. Billie talked about the hugger-mugger of crossdressing in the 60's. And Hope very kindly asked to join my at my solo table at lunch, when I was sitting there feeling lonely and exposed, and I listened to her story of crossdressing within marriage. She didn't come out to her wife for almost a decade of marriage, but they are still together post-revelation. The wife is accepting but doesn't want to see her dressed.
There were a few big-hair spangly-dress women there, but they were not the majority which my dazzled memory of last year conjured up. Most everyone there was a lot like me...trying to fit their long jaws and big shoulders into some kind of femme look. Most people seemed to be feeling as I felt...tentative and a little stiff, but so happy to be out in the world. For the first time in my life I have a group which I, the real I, can really join, and I struggle to understand how to do that. Feeling slightly apart has been the habit of a lifetime. It's hard to just stop.
My last session of the day was a little gathering of politically active trans folks led by Denise LeClair, a Washington-based activist. I sat quietly and listened and began to realize that some of the real movers and shakers of trans USA were in that room. I felt too bashful to participate much, but now there are some important folks who someday, if I ever need to, I can approach with "You won't remember me, but we met at..." I did chat with Denise after (we have a curious personal connection - her brother is the partner of my former spouse), and did a pronoun-slip with her...I hate it when I do that! *SQUIRM*! I corrected and apologized immediately, and she said it was all right, obviously completely not upset. I continue to learn about letting things like that roll off...
OK, gotta get going for my visit today. I'm going to try to network more, and I have a free consult with one of the premier surgeons in the late afternoon...dangerous to be doing that, with regard to setting the transition-ache going again, but I have to seize the chance.
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