There's an amazing phenomenon in the world of math called the Mandelbrot set. (Google it!) It's a beautiful numerical design with an infinitely lacey border. Points on one side of the border are in the set; points on the other side are not.
The way you figure out if a point is in the set or not is, you plug the numbers into a simple equation, and you get an answer which you plug in again...around and around and around. The answers either settle down to a stable repeating pattern of finite numbers, or, after some number of plug-ins, they suddenly shoot off into infinity, never to return. Stable pattern: in the set. Infinity: not in the set.
This pattern has become my working mental model for the transition decision. I've done the daily femme-ache tracking for several weeks now (see page), and despite losing a chunk of data to a hasty mouse-click, I can see that I'm cycling. A couple of weeks ago it was all fours and fives...wanting, needing to become a woman. This past week, all in the 1-3 range...feeling femme at least a little all the time, but content to stay male. And now I feel the ache coming on again...if I was doing today's number right now, it would be a 4.
I've always been fascinated by the third space or energy or twist of meaning which manifests out of the tension between opposites, so I can't help but ponder: In this model, staying male would seem to map to the finite set, and transitioning to female to the infinite outside it. But what is it to just keep zooming deeper and deeper into the lace forever? Hmmm... *strokes chin, and wishes there was no rasp of stubble...*
Oh, and one more question...is a math-geeky analogy like this an inherently male thing to come up with? Discuss... :-)
>Is a math-geeky analogy like this an inherently male thing to come up with? Discuss...
No, my female counseling professor used to find a way to bring up fractals in nearly every class.
It doesn't mark you as male, just a nerd. :-)
Posted by: Alex Roan | 08/09/2009 at 11:57 AM