GenderBendy

What is "feminine" anyway?

I feel feminine, I say, but what do I mean by that?  It turns out to be a slippery question.

I was raised by first-wave feminists as a sensitive new-age male, so except when I'm shooting pool in a biker bar, I already have societal permission to display many stereotypically feminine traits.  I have always been emotional, empathetic, gentle, nurturing.

So what's different post-revelation?  Turns out, often, not a lot.  After all, how much of daily life is intensely gender-specific?  Not grocery shopping; not my job; not even parenting, most of the time.

Still, it doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing--when I'm not dressed I want to be.  OK, that's new:  "Wanting to feel pretty" was not included on the sensitive new-age male list.

But feel pretty why?  Just for my own satisfaction?  Or for "pretty" should we substitute "attractive"?  I know from personal experience that even women who like sensitive guys still seem to appreciate being pursued, and it turns out I've always secretly coveted the "pursued" role myself.  I have always been sexually/romantically passive and receptive, rather than aggressive, and despite the uneasy stirring of my good feminist training, that feels feminine to me.

OK, there's way more to this question than this, but another arguably feminine trait I feel strongly is the collaborative impulse...so what do you think?  Care to post a comment?  :-)

Introducing...

Hi, my name is Lisa.  I spent the first 46 years of my life living as a simple ordinary man.

Then, last fall, shortly after passing the age my father was when he died, and having just narrowly avoided a major accident on the highway, I suddenly realized that my internal sense of self is, and always has been, feminine.  Surprise!

Since then, I have been working to understand what this revelation means for me, my family, my friends, my work...my life.  I have been crossdressing, and have started going out into the world in femme mode when I can.  It feels amazingly good.

Will I end up transitioning some day?  Hormones, surgery?  That's an open question at this time.  (Check out my femme-ache tracker under "Pages.")

Currently single, will I end up with a male or female partner?  Likewise an open question.  (One or the other would be nice...)

What I do know:  trans is real, and affects the lives of many, and there's a lot of confusion and ignorance about it.  Hence, this blog.  It's me wanting to say "Lookit me!", of course, but it's also my entry into activism in this cause by which I have been chosen.  I want to do all I can to make the world a safer, more welcoming place for transfolk of all kinds.

If you would like to read an on-line article about my first few months post-revelation, it is here.

So I hope you'll stop by again for juicy installments of my continuing saga, for (I hope) thoughful discussion of aspects of gender, and for connections to the world of trans.  Thanks for reading!